The other day someone referred to Jimmy and I as being generous. I don't know if it was that statement, but something has been nagging at me about generosity. I wasn't quite sure what it was. But today I had some discernment and I felt the need for a bit of a confessional here.
I have found myself rotating from feeling one of three things relating to generosity:
1. A desire to give more
2. An overwhelming appreciation witnessing the generosity of others, including my daughter
3. And here it is, the nasty part....judging others for not being what I considered to be generous enough
There it is in all it's ugliness. Man how I hate that part of me that judges. While I was awake last night from 4 to 5:30 (be jealous those of you that don't have young children waking you up!), what really weighed on me is the person that I should be judging is myself. Because, so much of my generosity comes with a clinched fist.
Here are a few examples of what I mean:
1.) Some kids are selling hot chocolate on the side of the road yesterday for $1 for charity. Jimmy gives them $5 for 2 cups and tells them to keep the change, and my fists clinch.
2.) Sarah Bess suggests for our advent acts of kindness we should fill up some one's car with gas, and my fists clinch.
3.) My kids ask me to play a game while I am checking off my list of to dos, and my fists clinch.
And that my friends is what is called greed. When we hold tightly onto our money and our time and our love, we are being greedy. And while I have somehow managed to see greed in others these past few weeks, I was ignoring where it was screaming at me in my own life.
But then there are the times that I give with my hands wide open like to sponsor a child in Ethiopia, or Haiti or even here in NC. And I feel the blessings of sharing God's money immediately. I want to give like that all the time. I want to live with palms open and give generously of my time, of my money and of my love. This advent as we live in anticipation of the coming of Christ, I pray that I am on my knees with hands open.
I have found myself rotating from feeling one of three things relating to generosity:
1. A desire to give more
2. An overwhelming appreciation witnessing the generosity of others, including my daughter
3. And here it is, the nasty part....judging others for not being what I considered to be generous enough
There it is in all it's ugliness. Man how I hate that part of me that judges. While I was awake last night from 4 to 5:30 (be jealous those of you that don't have young children waking you up!), what really weighed on me is the person that I should be judging is myself. Because, so much of my generosity comes with a clinched fist.
Here are a few examples of what I mean:
1.) Some kids are selling hot chocolate on the side of the road yesterday for $1 for charity. Jimmy gives them $5 for 2 cups and tells them to keep the change, and my fists clinch.
2.) Sarah Bess suggests for our advent acts of kindness we should fill up some one's car with gas, and my fists clinch.
3.) My kids ask me to play a game while I am checking off my list of to dos, and my fists clinch.
And that my friends is what is called greed. When we hold tightly onto our money and our time and our love, we are being greedy. And while I have somehow managed to see greed in others these past few weeks, I was ignoring where it was screaming at me in my own life.
But then there are the times that I give with my hands wide open like to sponsor a child in Ethiopia, or Haiti or even here in NC. And I feel the blessings of sharing God's money immediately. I want to give like that all the time. I want to live with palms open and give generously of my time, of my money and of my love. This advent as we live in anticipation of the coming of Christ, I pray that I am on my knees with hands open.
Take My Life
Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
Every power as You choose.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
Every power as You choose.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
