40 Letters of Love: Dear China

Dear China,

Ten years ago today, you changed me.

Ten years ago today, you gave me my only son and that day began to teach me that love does not always look like easy. Love can look like a son afraid of his new parents- those that sound, smell and look different from anyone he has ever known. Love can look like first smiles in a swimming pool around the world or endless tears on an airplane traveling home. Love can be walking a hallway, or a park, or a hotel lobby with a stroller for hours to keep the peace. Love can turn strangers into friends in a few short days with shared McDonalds in a hotel room or wine from an Italian restaurant in an Asian country. And love can look like standing in front of a judge, proclaiming yes to an unknown future with a confidence that doesn’t come from you.

Ten years ago today, you fully opened my eyes to the beauty of other cultures. You taught me that people do not have to speak your language or share your beliefs to show you kindness. It was while with you that I truly began to see Jimmy’s sense of adventure and his unwavering commitment to our family and to me.

Ten years ago today, we started our journey with our second and yet oldest child. I believe now this day not only gave us our second child, but also eventually led to our third. China, without you, we would not have the family that has provided us with immense blessing.

No love does not always look easy. And maybe that’s how you know it is love.

Today we toasted you with Davis’s picks- ramen and a movie. Cheers to ten years!

Love,

Me

40 Letters of Love: Dear Sarah Bess

Dear Sarah Bess,

How many times have I had to explain that you were the first, but are not the oldest? How 12 years ago today we became parents, but we already celebrated a child’s 12^th birthday last month? I often wonder how growing up in this family of ours affects you. What it is like to be the only child born biologically in a family with two siblings who are not? In reality, I am probably toughest on you. You complain that there is no “Sarah Bess Day” and I tell you to be grateful you never lived in an orphanage or had to leave the country of your birth. You have a few days of attitude and anger and the grace extended to others due to how trauma affects our brain is absent. You have a sore throat and I wonder how you would ever withstand the pain of your brother’s surgeries. You bring home straight A’s, again, and I say ‘good job’, expecting nothing less.

I did not know this birthday letter was to turn into a confession of sorts. But there it is. I am sorry.

You are 12. You have already offered our family so much. I appreciate the way you love and care for little ones in our life and have a heart to fight injustice. You have an energy that can change the world. You have a sense of gratitude and awareness that is far beyond your years. You are brave. You are wise. You are caring. You are generous. You are hilarious.

You are loved.

To the girl that made us parents, Happy Birthday.

Love,

Me

#40loveletters

40 Letters of Love: Dear Davis

Dear Davis,

12. It cannot be possible.

12 years ago, a beautiful, strong and wise boy was born.

12 years ago, you were born in a continent far away and your birth would change the lives of our family in ways that I never could have imagined.

12 years ago, your birth would be part of your dad and me discovering the world. Discovering the need to learn more about others. Discovering love in a way that feels as real as love can get. A beautiful, hard love.

This morning I spent some time looking back through pictures of our time together the past 10 years. There is nothing brighter on this earth than a Davis smile.

The year of 11 was a big one for you. You spent some concentrated time learning a little more about yourself, you had a major surgery and you grew and grew and grew. You started middle school and youth group. And you seem to be learning more about what makes you smile these days.

What is it I most want you to know at 12?

You are loved. There is nothing you could do to change that.

You are strong and brave. Your perseverance through the hard is a model for others.

You are gift. Our family would not be who we are without you.

We love you so.

Love,

Me

#40loveletters

Dear Color,

“I choose not to see you”, they say, as if this is some form of compliment to you.

“We are all the same”, they say, as if this will generate equal rights and undo years of oppression and systematic injustice.

“I just see people”, they want to believe, perhaps their bias unknown even to them.

Dear Color,

I used to think this was the way, the way of honoring sameness and equality. But now I see the path forward is to celebrate our difference.

Only recently did I begin to notice the evolution of spring in NC...First the purple Wisteria, then the bloom of the white Honeysuckle and Magnolia blossoms, to the vibrant variety of Hydrangea and the gift of the Mimosa Tree. How tragic if I had never noticed. What if I had not learned that each smell, each new bloom, each color of spring was an offering of beauty?

Dear Color,

Some deny you to repress. Others to try to unify.

I’d like to challenge those denying you for any reason, to start to notice instead. With each new color they see, each new person, they offer a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving for your creation. For we are truly and wonderfully made.

Love,

Me

#40loveletters

“From day one, parents of every color should begin to celebrate color differences in the human spectrum instead of praising one over the other or even worse, pretending we’re all the same. Then, we could have a more public facing, cross-cultural dialogue about the more global problem of colorism and plot its necessary demise.” Lori L. Tharps, Time Magazine, 2016