Do you ever feel like you are watching your life? Sometimes it almost feels as if I am playing house.
My kids don't play 'house' as much as I used to, but they love to play princess, a game that they have named 'butterfly camp" and occasionally "great wolf lodge".
SB is generally the play ring leader. Maybe she doesn't choose 'house' because her version of that would look like this fairy tale she wrote yesterday:
"Once Upon a time in a far and not fair city there lived a mean Queen. She was very very mean. {I think we can all see where this is going}
She told her 2 daughters Gabre and Sarah Bess and her son Davis to clean the house all day long. The queen's name was Hannah and the King was mean to. He was always telling Sarah Bess, Gabre and Davis to mop the house, clean the dish's, and clean out the car. The children were always tired of cleaning. They had no time to play with their dolls or their Legos or friends. They did not like this. The poor children were always tried tired tired of cleaning. Until one day, they finished all their chores and they all started to play and lived happily ever after. The end!"
But I digress. Back to this idea of 'playing house'...why do we as the tribe called Mothers feel the need to judge how our sisters are performing this role? Why have we all decided that our way to play is ALWAYS right? I have been both on the receiving end and the giving end of this parental judgement. So today I am writing both to myself and to my sisters in motherhood:
Dear Fellow Mothers,
Today I write you a peace treaty. Today I am going to jump off of this train called motherhood judgement. If you want to jump with me, I will hold your hand.
Today I will stop wearing my parenting choices like a badge. Because it does not matter if I had a c-section, natural birth, or was drugged out of my mind. It does not matter if my baby sleeps with me every night or if I let them cry it out at 3 months old. It does not matter if my toddler eats all homemade organic food or has a diet consisting of pasta. It does not matter if I work full-time or if I am a stay at home mom. It does not matter if my child plays 3 sports or still hasn't tried any. It does not matter if my child makes straight A's or tries his best to make C's. Ultimately, It just does not matter.
Today I will recognize that we judge each other out of fear and not meanness. We all feel a bit like we are 'playing house' and we have no idea what we are doing. So we consider all the options, and we talk with our spouses and our girlfriends and our mothers, and we try to make the right decision for our child. And after we do this, we fear greatly that we might be doing it wrong. So in order to feel better, we declare our way the only way and therefore your way must be wrong.
Today I will not blow your candle out to make mine grow brighter. I will honor your choices. Because I know that you are doing the best you can. I know you will mess up every day, just as I will. But just like me, you know what does matter. It does matter that we show our children our love, that we give them room to make mistakes and grace when they do, and that we teach them to be kind to others.
Today I will listen when you share your story. I will not tell you how to 'fix' it, because let's be honest, I don't know. I will cry with you when your children are struggling and I will laugh with you when they succeed. I will pray with you when you don't know how to help them and I will rejoice with you when you see redemption in their lives.
Because dear mother, you are enough. I am enough. And together we can be great.
From Out of the Spin Cycle: A Devotion for Mothers
By Jen Hatmaker
It's time for us moms to declare a truce
Regardless if we buy Capri Sun or 100 percent juice.
My way is not your way, and your way isn't mine
But both of our kids will turn out just fine.
