A Day Apart

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him.

Colossians 2:7

This past Saturday, over 30 beautiful women gathered to experience an afternoon apart. An afternoon to worship, pray, journal, and create. An afternoon for rest & renewal. The concept was similar to my Date with God this past March at the Created for Care retreat.

The way that this day came together was a blessing from the start. It was such a wonderful experience to plan the day with four others that blessed it in every detail.  As more and more women registered and we prayed for their day, I felt a nervous excitement of what this experience could be for all those participating. We have already heard remarkable stories of how God blessed women this day. Women that heard from God through scripture, prayer, creating & silence.

Right before we were to begin, I started to feel those nervous butterflies. Was it because I hoped for those present to have a meaningful experience?  Or something else?

Once we began, I realized the butterflies were not just for the others attending. It was also for myself. I hoped to experience God the way I had in March. But there was too much noise in my head. How was it going for the others? What should I focus my prayer on? Why can't I quiet my mind? Mind, be quiet. you are here to experience a beautiful moment. BE QUIET.  I went through the first station, praying for my family, the community, the country and the world with little quiet, honestly with little prayer.

Next to the cross where others had laid down their prayers. As I began to pray for others, I thought,  OK, maybe this day is not about me, but how can I pray for others.

Next, to a color prayer. I have little artistic talent and in fact stayed away from the creating stations at the Date with God as much as possible. But because I couldn't quiet my mind, I thought I should try to create. The description was to write a word to describe God, doodle around it and then write other words that may come to mind. As I began to doodle, the names to write flowed out...Jimmy, Sarah Bess, Davis, Gabre and Hannah. Then to connect them all with each other and God. With multiple colors and doodles. At first I also wrote the word 'anything'.  (I have just begun a book by Jennie Allen, Anything, that begins with she and her husband making that prayer. "God, we will do anything."). But so much louder...I heard, EVERYTHING. So I wrote that. And I left feeling such love for those names written on my paper.

Next to the station to create a cover for our journals. The description is to pick patterns, words, scriptures that are speaking to you and decorate a cover for your journal. I just began to grab things I liked- a flower pattern, a beach scene, 5 or 6 scriptures that are familiar to me. A couple that were new, but I liked.

I sat down to create and as I looked through what I had brought to the table and asked the spirit to lead me to create, what to use was made so clear. A flower with 5 petals...I prayed over each of the 5 names I had written earlier; The word 'everything' on the back of a picture...I prayed, yes God everything. I don't know what that means, but yes;  A tree in the middle of my beach scene with the roots growing down in the water...I prayed, support our family as you do this tree, grow us and nurture us; and an unfamiliar scripture, "Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him". And there it was. So clear. "God, let our family grow our roots in you. Let us offer you EVERYTHING as we build our lives on you".

I arrived home to my family, not yet ready to talk much about the experience but to get ready for our 'mother/daughter & father/son slumber party night'. I pulled out items from my retreat goody bag which included a book mark that  I had not yet seen. And the scripture on the bookmark...

Let your roots grow down into him,

Colossians 2:7 



Birth Moms, Bottles & Brokenness

This past weekend we celebrated Davis Day. It was four years ago Saturday that we held our sweet boy in our arms for the first time. On July 21st, I often reflect on the grief our dear boy had that day we picked him up. And while it was a joyous day for us all, it was also a hard day. He lost so much that day and the two years prior. I am so thankful that he is now this happy smiling boy.

Getting ready for his last swim meet of the season.

First Day of First Grade!

On Saturday night as we said our prayers, I said a prayer for his birth mom and for his foster mom. We often pray for them on this day and mother's day, but this year it brought on questions. Not from Davis, but from his sister in the top bunk. With the toughest being the one not yet asked: "Why did Davis's birth mom not keep him?". I have read about answering this question, listened to experts, but still felt ill prepared to say "I don't know". I watched Davis's face for expression, he showed none. He did want to know if he could see his foster brother when we visit China. I told him that I didn't know his name or where he lived so I didn't believe we could find him. I held back the tears at another loss for my son.

So with this weighing on my mind this week, last night we declared it "time to take away the bottle from Gabre night". Yes- she is 19 months old and still goes to sleep with a bottle. And yes, we do let her have this bottle in the crib. And yes we know many think we should have taken it away a long time ago so that her attachment item became us. And we know sleeping with a bottle can cause teeth rot. And for all of you giving us grace for doing the best we can- thank you.
Here's the thing, this girl LOVES her bottle. I mean LOVES. When she doesn't get it, she is like this:

She loves it so much that when we decided to take her off whole milk and change to rice milk Jimmy said, "I think we have nothing to worry about. It is like an alcoholic. You take away his Jim Beam, he can always go to Vodka".

When we first came home we tried to give her a pacifier, a bottle with nothing in it, etc. But she was not having it. So we quickly gave in and settled for the fact it was something we could get rid of later once she was adjusted and bonded to us. Well... adjusted and bonded happened months ago, but then it was just easier and so the bottle remained. But we knew we needed to do something.

Last night Jimmy rocked her with the bottle, and then before putting her down took it away. She cried for a few minutes but then all was silent. I couldn't believe it was going to be that easy. It wasn't. About 10 minutes later, she started to scream. And scream she did for quite a while. So I went in to rock her some more. She calmed right down, did some talking and kept trying to get to sleep. The sad thing is, she just doesn't really know how without that bottle. She would try to suck her fingers a little, but didn't seem to like those. She would stick her tongue out like she was sucking even though nothing was there.

And that was when grief overwhelmed me. At first with a few tears, but then as she fell asleep in my arms I began to sob. Because she had spent the first 9 months of her life with a bottle being the only thing in the night to soothe her. She spent the first 9 months of her life, with no mother to come running when she cried out. She spent the first 9 months of her life mostly in this crib with her bottle & smiling up at anyone coming by to take a picture.

This should not happen. Babies, toddlers, children and youth should not be without their parents. They should not have to feel alone. They should not feel unloved and unwanted. Parents should not have to make this choice because of poverty, limited education, HIV, the unknown of what raising a child with a disablity might bring. And while I cried for my precious children and for what they lost, I felt the presence of Gabre's birth mom in that room. I can't explain it, but I felt it. I thanked her for the incredible gift of her daughter, I apologized that she was not able to raise her, and I promised to do everything in my power to take good care of her. And then I prayed, please God give the 147 million+ orphans in the world a family. Make this brokenness right. You make beautiful things out of the dust. Please, please, please get these children in homes.

And while I know that prayer won't be answered today. I pray and I HOPE that today many children waking up this morning without a mother, won't go to sleep that way tonight.

Saw that Coming

“I read in a book that a man called Christ went about doing good. It is very disconcerting to me that I am so easily satisfied with just going about.” Toyohiko Kagawa

Last week at the beach visiting my parents, SB was discussing with her Daddy the vast wealth she assumes the guy selling ice cream out of a boat on Litchfield beach has.

SB: “With all that extra money you could buy two houses”.

Jimmy: “Or you could use the extra money to help build houses for people that don’t have one. You don’t need two houses if some people don’t have a house at all.”

SB: Silence, but a look of still pondering.

Jimmy: “Well, what would you do with the extra money?”

SB: “You could buy like 100 American Doll Girls.”

Jimmy: “I saw that coming.”

Me: “Or instead you could buy shoes for children who don’t have shoes.”

SB: “I SO saw that coming.”

This short conversation a few days ago has stuck with me. I am glad that she ‘saw it coming’ that we would rather give away than obtain more. But are we?

I just finished reading The Hole in Our Gospel, by Richard Sterns, the current CEO of World Vision.  This book is so good you should start reading it instead of finishing this post. I was astounded and challenged by many things in this book. One was this (statistics are averages of what I remember b/c that is how I am with statistics-but you get the idea): in 1995, around 85% of non-Christians viewed Christians favorably. By 2006, this number had dipped down to around 26%.

We are richer in America than we have ever been. Yes, I know the economy has issues and I am no economist- but really, we are rich. In fact, if you make more than $50,000 a year you are in the wealthiest 1% of the world.  We have come to expect certain things with this wealth. We spend money on bigger houses, nicer cars,  the latest fashions at big huge malls, customized driveways, and even millions of dollars on church buildings. While so many lack even the basic necessity of water.  But what do we give?

I really hope you don’t read this with a tone of judgment. I do not intend to offend. I am genuinely asking that of myself and my family. And maybe someone reading this might ask themselves the same.  And maybe not, but I want to be a person… a family that listens to the spirit of God and lives the love that he gives to us.

I have had the good fortune to witness and participate as people I know do just that. They inspire me as they demonstrate how to Love Well and Live Differently.

Our friend, Charisa, and her daughter were in Ethiopia picking up their son when we were picking up Gabre. Their son is also from Southern Ethiopia in a region near Gabre’s birth called Awassa. 

Currently, children in orphanages in that region cannot be adopted. You could say they are ‘stuck’. No longer with their biological parents, but unable for anyone else to bring them home.  Some of these children even have families that accepted their referrals for adoption, that have never been able to bring them home. Holly and Dave share honestly their journey with the acceptance of a referral for a precious boy they have met and loved, but never been able to bring home on their blog Writing in Pencil.

Because there doesn’t seem to be a solution in sight, many of the adoption agencies have pulled their support and the children there now aren’t even getting all their basic needs met.

Enter our friends.  They felt they should do something.  They didn’t know all the steps, the hows, the whats but they took a step of faith, a shaky step.

That shaky step has led to FIG Awassa. Through Project Hopeful and the support of those wanting to go about 'doing something good' the immediate needs of the children can be met. And then programs can be established for education and empowerment for families and children to support themselves and know they are loved children of God.

I am so humbled and amazed.

 I hope to So see it coming. To know when the Spirit is leading us. And more importantly to Follow.  Even with a shaky step.

“God gives us power and blessing so that justice and righteousness will be upheld for those who are denied them. This is what God is like. This is what God is about. This is who God is. To forget this, to fail to hear the cry, to preserve prosperity at the expense of the powerless is to miss what God has in mind.” Rob Bell