Dear Swim Team Mom,

While I am no veteran, with almost 3 seasons of swim team under my belt, I am beginning to learn some things. I can now use (and understand!) words like heat, main event and medley relay. I know that every swim meet requires many snacks and even more towels. I know that swim team is much like church in that you have your favorite places to sit, and many of you will get there early to save your spot. And I know that ‘kid pushing’ does not involve actually pushing screaming children into the pool.

There are a few other things I have learned that I thought we might all consider together as we sit in the trenches of 5 to 6 hours at the pool on meet nights.

Look for the New Moms

They aren’t hard to spot. They are the ones without a sharpie, only one towel per child, and actually arrive after all the ‘good’ places to sit are gone. Help this mom out. She has no idea what is coming. I will never forget the mom that helped me.

Teach Your Child Grace

Instead of arguing with the line judge, the coach and even the ribbon hander outer about what place your child came in take the time to teach your child about grace.

Perhaps you could say. “Honey, you may be right. You may have been first and not second. The line judge may have made a mistake. We all do. He is just doing the best he can. I am proud of you for swimming so well. I just love to watch you swim”.

      Turn That Frown Upside Down

Some of you come equipped with your own stop watch. After a swim your child comes to you, not to beg for more money for something else that will rot his teeth as mine do, but to get that time. You reply 21.5 seconds with a disappointed face. Your child walks away, defeated.

Or  when your 8 year old daughter gets out of the pool, after winning first place, the first thing you say to her is not ‘good job’, but what was your time? When your daughter doesn’t know, you tell her to go back and ask. When she comes back with her time of 23.8, you scrunch up your face and say ‘not good’. Your child walks away, defeated.

Perhaps you could try, “Great job. I just love to watch you swim.”

(these are actual stories but made up times. This is because while these children are always the best swimmers, I have no idea what is good.)

As adults we compare. Who has the better job? Who makes more money? Who is looking great after losing all that weight? And we do it with our kids. I do it all the time. Two of my children are less than a month apart in age and in the same grade, same swim team level, same basketball team. I do this. Fellow swim team mom, hear me say I am not trying to judge this, I just think we might consider the implications of our actions.

I wonder if children already know their self-worth should not come from the outside or if it is our job as parents to teach them. Instead of saying through our actions to our children “if you are not the fastest (prettiest, smartest, richest), you are not good enough”, we say, “just be you. I love you. You are the only you and therefore you will ALWAYS be enough”.

And perhaps, we should also be taking notes from the kids at swim meets.

Sometimes Our Place is on the Sidelines

I am a doer. I live my life wanting to be the one in the pool. I can become focused on the ‘good job’ and ‘way to go’. I have never been one to easily find my role on the sidelines.At one swim meet there was a little boy around 2 years old cheering for his big brother, John. John is new to the swim team and was significantly behind the others swimming backstroke.But this brother, he never stopped cheering. “Go John. Go John. Go John”. For the entire swim he cheered with his entire being for his brother. It wasn’t about him. Isn’t wasn’t about winning or losing.  It was about rooting on someone he loved. And you know what, I don’t know his name. I don’t know if anyone else noticed his intense cheering for his brother. And that’s the point. He knew at that moment, his place was on the sideline.

Simply Show Up

Glennon Melton from Momastery writes about this often on her blog. That our job each and every day is to just show up and in just showing up we can do hard things.Davis was put on the list to swim butterfly for the first time at a recent meet. He was extremely afraid. He was scared he would do it wrong and be disqualified, even asked not to be on swim team anymore. As I stood there with him holding his hand his whole being wanted to quit. We talked about how we can do hard things. With God’s help, we can be brave. And we quietly prayed for God to help Davis feel brave. And that Davis could not do this swim wrong. If he just got in the pool. he would be a winner because he would have done something hard. And you know what…he did it. And at bedtime, the child that very rarely has a prayer to offer up himself volunteered when asked if he has any prayers, “For making me brave.”

Watch for Kindness

While standing in line with Davis prior to his butterfly swim, it was obvious he was upset. From behind us in the girl’s line we heard, “It’s OK Davis. You’re gonna do great”. After her swim, she specifically looked for Davis again. “Great swim, Davis!”  Kindness. It doesn’t take much, but a few words and an awareness to those around us.

Hang in there swim team mom, just a few meets left. I look forward to learning more from our children and each other.