This past weekend I went to the Created for Care retreat at Lake Lanier in Georgia. It was rejuvenating in several ways (it isn’t called retreat for nothing!). I slept well, I relaxed, I engaged in adult conversation and was surrounded by women with many of my same passions. But most important was an experience they call “Date with God”. The below post is one I wrote over a month ago and wasn’t ready to post. But now it feels relevant. So I guess this is part one of a two part post.
Ever carry around a dream that seems crazy? You tell no one. What would they think? You even try to forget it yourself. The fear of taking the jump to even talk about it with others is too real.
It started with a walk on the beach in August 2011. We had just heard again from the US Embassy in Ethiopia that they were requesting more documentation before they could clear Gabre. I needed time that weekend for solitude and reflection. I was really calling out to God. To ask him to show me what to do? I often feel I am having this conversation from the Sara Groves song, Hello Lord:
Hello Lord, it’s me your child. I have a few things on my mind. Right now I’m faced with big decisions and I’m wondering if you have a minute. Cause, Right now I don’t hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up?
See, sometimes (read all the time) I live in this revolve around me universe that I am here for some great calling that I am not fulfilling. I am often humbled to remember, God does not need me. But I can be blessed by following Jesus with my life. So I ask often, what am I supposed to be doing?
So that became my prayer on that walk. To listen for what I could do. Because I do believe, that prayer is listening for the word of God, not lobbying for one’s own position.
And while walking, this idea emerged… A Bed and Breakfast for Orphans. A what? What even is that? Why would orphans need a bed and breakfast? Really, all the problems in the world related to orphans and orphan care and you want to start a bed and breakfast? Fear and doubt began to produce more questions and less listening.
And life went on. We were FINALLY cleared, and went back to Ethiopia to bring sweet Gabre home. This was a time of not asking God what I was supposed to be doing. Because on that trip I knew. I was to pick up Gabre. Show her as much love and affection as possible, have our Embassy appointment and get on a plane to bring her home and begin our life as a family of five. Except…, I had such a vivid dream on that trip that I woke in the middle of the night and begin to write about it for a couple of hours. This time, not about a bed and breakfast, but about a camp. A camp for foster children. For children that were adopted and are struggling. For children that need to feel the love of God while having the great fun experience of camp. Again…crazy, right? But some details started to emerge in my mind. I allowed myself to do a little planning, and a lot of dreaming.
Because I love camp. I went to Camp Cherokee and Jimmy went to Camp Thunderbird. I won't bore you with our discussions (well...arguments) on which camp is better.
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| Camp made me feel like this. |
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| And This |
Once I got home, it was easy to put it behind me again. I was pretty busy adjusting to being a family of five and enjoying the best maternity leave ever! If it started to creep into my consciousness, I would suppress it because it seemed like a lot of work. I don’t know how to do that? How would I even begin? I have no money for that. Hear a pattern here…I, I, I.
It has now been 6 months since that first thought walking on the beach. And it won’t go away. I’ve only told 3 people…that whole crazy thing. So here I am sharing. Because you know what…this dream has nothing to do with “I”. I need to listen to Him. He can make this dream a reality. He might and he might not. For now, it is just a dream.
And somewhere in the back of my mind I think you are telling me to wait. And though patience has never been mine, Lord, I will wait to hear from you. Hello Lord, Sara Groves
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